CRAIG CLYBOURN

OCCUPATION: Would-be screenwriter / temp / extra / what have you
TURN-ONS: Amy Grant videos, Beauty Pageants, daydreaming, Joey Lawrence
TURN-OFFS: Candace Bergen as the Dime Lady, Braveheart , not being on the guest list
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING:   Paula Abdul chowing down at Art's Deli on Ventura Blvd.
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Forever Longing"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE: "You know how I am.   I wish there was a Special Olympics for sex so you could get a hug at the end no matter what."

DANDY RIO

OCCUPATION: media whore / star of the sitcom That's Just Dandy
TURN-ONS: Fame, Publicity, Handymen, the films of Zalman King
TURN-OFFS: The cast of Friends , people who say they don't watch TV, discretion
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: Herself, in the bedroom mirror of Latin American singing stud Ricardo De Leon.
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Uninhibited"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE:   "The hardest thing about these Help the Homeless benefits is deciding who to go home with."

MILES TUJUNGA

OCCUPATION: Publicist of c-level celebs
TURN-ONS: Upward mobility, muscles, Andrew Shue's chicken bone
TURN-OFFS: Body hair, people who don't wipe of the gym equipment when they're done
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: kd lang waving Evita-style from the balcony of the Ramada Inn during the Gay Pride parade while Ingrid Casares looked on.
FRAGRANCE OF CHOICE: "Starf*cker"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE: "You know, I'm pretty small town myself, but with an edge."

CLAUDIA NEWTON

OCCUPATION: Unrepresented actress / slinger of hash
TURN-ONS: Making Rice Krispies treats, giving away signed headshots, stalking
TURN-OFFS: Bad auditions, rude game show hosts, lousy tippers, Dandy Rio
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: Matthew Perry, post re-hab, at the Beverly Connection Starbucks
FRAGRANCE OF CHOICE: "Need"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE: "My big goal is to mount my own one-woman show by the time I'm forty.   I'm thirty-two now, so I have time."

ULYSSES WALSH

OCCUPATION: Musician
TURN-ONS:   Crystals, Joshua Tree, chicks with big long nipples, The Internet
TURN-OFFS: Rude doorpeople, get rich quick schemes, doubletalk
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: Marilyn Manson buying towels at Bed, Bath and Beyond
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Karma Man"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE: "I can't deny my musical dreams any longer."

DAMON DARLINGTON (AKA "This Many")

OCCUPATION: Performer / Plays Aladdin in Disney stage show / stripper
TURN-ONS: Amusement parks, Morgan Fairchild's teeth, sculpted eyebrows
TURN-OFFS: Rules, flying carpets that break down, being teased about his age (20)
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: Carnie Wilson at the Tacos Tacos on Santa Monica Blvd.
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Ripe"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE:   "That's the second time this week our carpet got stuck.   The girl who plays Jasmine is still in tears backstage. As you can see, I really go out of my way to ease her pain."

GODFREY SCOTT (AKA "The Snack")

OCCUPATION: Aspiring rock singer / occasional "Murder, She Wrote" extra
TURN-ONS: Jam sessions, McDonalds cheeseburgers, himself
TURN-OFFS:   Authority figures, groupies, split ends, confrontation
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING: 6:00 AM Angela Lansbury in the make-up trailer
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Nonchalant"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE:   "Next take, I'm going to pretend my drink's poisoned, seize up and crash dead in the pool just to keep Jessica Fletcher on her toes."

VIOLA McGOWAN

OCCUPATION: retired screen siren / landlady
TURN-ONS: Red wine, crossword puzzles, Academy screening tapes
TURN-OFFS: Plastic surgery, rubber rent checks, rap music
FAVORITE STAR-SIGHTING:   Clark Cable at the foot of her bed, 1946
PREFERRED FRAGRANCE: "Vicks Vapor Rub"
NOTABLE QUOTABLE:   "My breasts are real too.   Not like actresses today."