TRiViA TiME

iN THE (213)

 

"Misadventures in the (213)" is jam-packed with more household names and would-be household names than the Betty Ford Clinic and the L.A. County Jail combined.   To test your celebrity savvy, scroll down to question one, answer it aloud (to demonstrate your star smarts to whoever is in the room with you), then scroll down for the answer.   Keep track of your score on a nearby Post-It or something and remember, your answers must be in the form of a question.

 

1. Dandy scopes out this Oscar winning actor's ass at Pool Aid, a celebrity billiard tournament held at the Hollywood Athletic Club, not far from Craig's 'hood.

 

 

Who is Cuba Gooding Jr.?

2.   If Craig were ever going to be on $20,000 Pyramid , this Golden Gal would be his dream teammate.   "Not only is she good at the game," he figures, "but you can see the board through her hair."

 

 

Who is Betty White?

3. Pageant judge, Dandy Rio, is sorely disappointed when the Miss Teenage America contestants paraded before her don't have "nubbins" for breasts like this bum-footed Olympic gymnast.  

 

 

Who is Kerry Strug?

4.   Craig's college girlfriend has the same name as this toothy Knots Landing vixen but isn't nearly so endearing.

 

 

Who is Michelle Lee?

5.   Over a tasty chicken lunch with his pal Ulysses, Craig discovers that eating and looking at photographs of this country crooner are pastimes best enjoyed separately.

 

 

Who is Kenny Rogers?

6.   Claudia vows NOT to do her part control the pet population, just to get back at this white-headed game show host who she inadvertently teed off while appearing on his show.

 

 

Who is Bob Barker?

7.   While Feverishly attempting to keep up with Elise Stubach, his deranged partner at the AIDS Dance-athon, Craig recalls the steps this Disco Dude did with his back up babes, Motion.

 

 

Who in God's green earth is Deney Terrio?

8.   The bellboys at the Mondrian hotel on the Sunset Strip are so genetically-blessed, Claudia wonders if they weren't cast by this gazillionaire producer.

 

 

Who is Aaron Spelling?

9.   Ulysses falls for Dandy's born-again maid, Kathryn, partly because she has jumbo-sized pencil eraser nipples like this 70's poster goddess.

 

 

Who is Farrah Fawcett?

10.   While "recruiting" for a movie market research company, Craig invites this Diff'rent Strokes star to a screening of a Rhea Perlman basketball movie.   Remarkably, he accepts.

 

 

Who is Todd Bridges?

11.   While working as an extra on Melrose Place , Craig snags a half-eaten chicken bone that was discarded by this soccer playing actor stud as a souvenir for his Melrose -obsessed pal Miles.  

 

 

Who is Andrew Shue?

12.   The gossip mills crank into overdrive when Craig mistakes this former MTV veejay for a drag queen in the elevator at Crunch.

 

 

Who is Downtown Julie Brown?

13.   Dandy takes over for this Sugar Wallflower as Rizzo in the bus and truck company of Grease , when the Scottish songstress leaves to strut her stuff on infomercials.

 

 

Who is Sheena Easton?

14.   Damon gets canned from his gig as Aladdin when word of his indecent exposure reaches the office of this powerful player.

 

 

Who is Michael Eisner?

15.   This blonde sitcom slut upstages Dandy's vocal stylings when she saunters innocently   into the Viper Room in fishnets.

 

 

Who is Christina Applegate?

16.   While sobbing through the final episode of Blossom, Miles laments about the unsure employment future of this buff-bodied triple threat, who incidentally happens to be the star of many of Craig's more tawdry daydreams.

 

 

Who is Joey Lawrence?

17.   While serving as a seat-filler at the MTV Movie Awards , Craig moshes to the sexy warblings of this trashy rocker babe.   He later describes her voice as "the audio equivalent of Spanish fly."

 

 

Who is Shirley Manson of Garbage?

18.   Craig and Dandy spot this sideburn pioneer at the Rose Bowl Swap meet, trying not to notice that his 90210 doll has been marked down twice.

 

 

Who is Luke Perry?

19.   Dandy, while lying about her age at Miles' 1980's-themed birthday party, claims that this bright-eyed chanteuse is her grandmother causing everybody in the place to turn around.  

 

 

Who is Bonnie Tyler?

20.   While pitching his script Deck Games to an eager producer, a dazed Craig accidentally calls out the words "Blue Genitals" instead of the name of this untamed actor / inmate.

 

 

Who is Christian Slater?

21.   Though Dandy shoulders the blame, this GH alum's billboard-sized basket in a pair of CK brief's is the true cause of Dandy and Craig's Sunset Boulevard fender bender.

 

 

Who is Antonio Sabato Jr.?

22.   Craig can't believe Dandy's directing a rap video, especially considering how freaked Dandy was when this acting lady rapper looked at her funny in the studio commissary.

 

 

Who is Queen Latifah?

23.   Craig would truly know there is a God if his love life ever came close to resembling the warm and fuzzy music videos of this uber-coy Target pitchwoman.

 

 

Who is Amy Grant?

24.   Claudia refuses to name her one-woman show, Touched By an A**hole , because she claims she gets enough comparisons to this feisty black actress as it is.

 

 

Who is Della Reese?

25.   Thanks to her friends at the studio wardrobe department, Dandy is able to wear this straw-throwing actress's old waitress uniform when she sings her new-fangled version of the Theme From Alice .

 

 

Who in the hell is Beth Howland?

 

HOW'D YOU DO?

0 - 5 POINTS       

You are such a loser.   Get cable and subscribe to Entertainment Weekly STAT if you expect to enjoy any scintillating cocktail conversation in this town again.

6 - 10 POINTS

If you were a sitcom, you'd be sent back for retooling.   Call in sick and sit in front of the E! Channel for a week.   Then call us in the morning.

11-15 POINTS

Needs improvement but plays well with others.   Access Hollywood a couple times a week should cure what ails you.   Remember, one day at a time.

16 - 20 POINTS

Baby, you're a star.   No one can know everything about these loser celebs and still have time to go the gym and get laid.   Your priority ordering is admirable.

21 - 25 POINTS       

You are such a loser.   Get out of the house, go to a museum, or the theater or for a nice hike through the mall.   There's more to life than celebrities.